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[25 Jul 2007|09:10pm] |
im ashamed
im ashamed and so disapointed in myself because i
wasnt able to let go when i should have
de·ni·al (d-nl)
n.
1. A refusal to comply with or satisfy a request.
2.a. A refusal to grant the truth of a statement or allegation; a contradiction.
b. Law The opposing by a defendant of an allegation of the plaintiff.
3.a. A refusal to accept or believe something, such as a doctrine or belief.
b. Psychology An unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings.
4. The act of disowning or disavowing; repudiation.
5. Abstinence
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| cobwebs |
[18 Jul 2007|11:49pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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ny1 report on the water pipe fiasco |
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im embarrassed to admit:
a) i cant spell embarrassedddposjj and
b) how i rediscovered my livejournal
since im sipping what i hope is a decaf cafe creme, i'll stick with a +/-
subject; life, the general appearance
+seeing my destiny has quite a few possible different paths
+puppy fufills what most people cannot
+cafe creme
+my tan
+summer
+the entertaining crazies on the bus
-tardiness
-"private profiles"
-profiles in general
-the rain and thick air today
-fruit flies
-mixed feelings for a certain ex
-mixed feelings for current desirables
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| that hansel |
[20 Jun 2004|10:56pm] |
no computer = no posts
but i do have tivo and a fabulous cable situation.
i bought 5 dvds for $15 from this korean women today: the day after tomorrow, the passion, mean girls, soul plane (hell YEA), and troy. who needs $25 movie nights when you got bootlegs. im on it.
im thinking about turning my apartment into a big walk in closet. would that be wrong? i rather see chanel & ysl shoe boxes than remotes and windex. speaking of the apartment, everything is done and good except getting some new wall decor. i love this neighborhood to peices, im never leaving mulberry st. if any of you are close by, get in touch!
money has become a joke. i jsut balanced my chckbook, and ive gone through $1600 in less than 2 weeks on CRAP. well, weekly pedicures, new bags, crate & barrel, etc.. but still, i need a financial advisor. or, ill learn how to save after selling my body to pay rent.
the romance is having difficulties. hes in east williamsburg (capitol G h e t t o ), and im in nyc, less than 5 minuites away, yet we havent had time for eachother at all. its straining. id like to move foward or get rid of this relationship. its time,
craving inoteca for lunch, i stumbled upon this creepy "museum" on clinton st. totally carnival style freak show relics and oddities, but with a 5$ admission charge, i didnt get past the gift shop, oh, istarted smoking again. only at night. after looking at my planner, it was A YEAR to the motherfucking day that i quit last year. hella weird. xo
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| crazy right now |
[26 Apr 2004|10:10pm] |
while mazing my way through bergdorfs to get to john barret salon ( highly recomend )i:
-picked out my spring bag. its a ysl. and its PINK.
-saw beyonce with only one bodyguard and only 8 or 9 bags.
thats all.
oh, moving saturday. cant wait. painting, sofas, scotch..
house warming is soon.
xo
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| ill win that motley crue mirror IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME |
[28 Feb 2004|10:44pm] |
+
my new BIG studio on mulberry & prince MAY 1st
promotions @ work
buying new furniture
barneys warehouse sale
chemical peels
finally being able to blame not losing weight on my
thyroid, ha!
prince, forever & always
-
brochitis and tonsilitis
stuffy noses & not being able to take antihistimines
buying new furniture costs money
rent before shoes
the passion controversy, enough already, if you dont want to support the movie, dont go see it and shut up.
me not turning the dial when "toxic" comes on
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| this is the new black |
[31 Jan 2004|09:59pm] |
him: im gonna be DJing at [insert bar here]
me: you have no records! do you need to borrow mine?
him: no im bringing my favorite cds.
dont call me old school, im only 22, but what happened to the vinyl? hot black sexy vinyl.
dont call yourself a motherfucking DJ when your using your fucking i-pod or cds?! [im not talking about the talented computer hi-tech music programming people] but theres lugging around records, mastering confusing equipment, having good judgement for layering and fading beats and songs over one another, etc. just cause we program our 5-disc cd players on 'random', doesnt earn us DJ status.
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| stolen |
[14 Jan 2004|11:42pm] |
1) Using bandnames spell out your first name...
Judas Priest
Ozzy
Ratt
Dokken
Aerosmith
Nelson
AC/DC
2) What's your favourite song right now?
anything on the new darkness cd
3) Have u ever had a song written about you?
yes.
4) What song makes you cry?
cry! no! but pornography/thecure is damn emotional
5) What song makes you happy?
"temptation"- heaven 17
6) What do u like to listen to before bed?
law & order.
7) Name a song by coal chamber?
no
8) Who were your idols when you were younger?
jon bon jovi, brett micheals, cyndi lauper
9) First album u ever bought....?
cd- ace of base & u2 lp- prince
10) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why...
longest time by billy joel reminds me of my ex skyler. we did long distance 2 yrs out of a 4 yr relationship. he never knew this. because its lame. but that song makes my stomach drop still.
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| ultra premium |
[04 Jan 2004|03:45am] |
who cares about new years?
although
i am happy this year is FUCKING OVER
my resolution was to START smoking again/ the only thing holding me back is A]fear of the first drag dizziness and B] ill never quit again and have no esophogas by the time im 40.
i bought "penta" water. $50 for 12 bottles. it has its own patent and everything. im excited/broke.
ALL NEW EPISODES of curb your enthusiasm in like 12 hours!
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[19 Oct 2003|10:15pm] |
tuesday is the season finale of nip/tuck. i cant wait. its good im looking foward to something, even if its a tv show. but its SOME show. last week, there was this evil columbian guy making beautiful girls carry over double implants of heroin in their breast implants in promise of 'work permits' for america. crazy shit.
you know that overwhelming sadness when you have to leave somthing so fucking wonderful? like the end of a vaction, or the next day after 3rd row seats of a nkotb concert in 3rd grade..? my mom took me to go see lost in translation and thats how i felt leaving the theatre. it was such a beautiful movie. i <3 the coppolas.
i got a halloween costume. its f a r from fabulous and very old school. im have not one lead on the halloween party yet/ this better not turn out like what everyone does on new years. fuck it ill steal a kid and go trick or treating by myself.
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| bal-nee-o-therr-uh-pee |
[13 Oct 2003|07:52pm] |
i really dont want to make this my fucking mental health journal.. but its been a badd weekend.
friday was hair color@arrojo studio. therapy@5. then, until sunday night i was on the sofa. literally. slept there and everything. went through 3 dvds(willard, hollywood homicide, raising victor vargas) AND the brutal yankees game on saturday, all up until the end of carnivale last night. the night ended with a crying fit on the phone with my beloved. one thing im really trying to control is not turning jealousy into anger into pity into crying fits. its not working though.
well, im taking it upon myself to 'up' my medication. whooha! and still speaking of doctors etc..anyone else whos going through anything similiar or has/had..after literally going to 5 or 6 doctors to find a basic internist who can give me more insight, i found a eastern/western medicine doctor who CARES and wants toget to the bottom of why im a big loser lately. some tests hes doing include a how much mercury is in my blood test, a seratonin (sp?) level test, and an amino acid test. all which in turn might be contributing to the ocd, anxiety and depression. results comming soon.
i got a new soy delicious flavor..DULCE LE LECHE vanilla toffee flavor with vegan caramel swirls..
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| my milkshake tastes much better than yours |
[09 Oct 2003|10:32pm] |
ok synopsis of the last 5 months:
june: saved up enormous lump of money, getting ready to move out again with steve, but i end up in the hospital with all sorts of shit. that was bad. but i did quit smoking, that was good.
july: literally panic stricken, havent left the house since june with all these lovely really bad things wrong with me. started therapy, finally not afraid to go to the bank and not have to bring my mom with me to get my hair colored. i= pathetic. i did buy a ps2.
august: back to work, survived a dinner out without leaving, i think i even went to a show or two. but no more drinking, cause i was and still on tons of meds.
sept: started massive dental work, still in therapy, working full time on the upper east. from all the fucking doctors, im once again living paycheck to paycheck. oh, and my law issues are dealt with. $2500 and 15 days of community service later..
oct 9th: almost beat vice city. im 67% done. almost done with weekly dental visits. picked up the new peaches and outkast.
oct 9th 10:40pm: ive been doing organic vegan raw food for the last week to lose weight and for health reasons. its expensive though, im starting to detox, and im not stopping until I FIT BACK INTO MY BALENCIAGA PINSTRIPE PANTS SIZE MOTHERFUCKIGN TWO2.
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| iam a judas preist song |
[23 May 2003|07:03pm] |
i skipped out on my court appearance tuesday. actually, my alarm didnt go off. so, now instead of posting bail for myselfand appearing in court, i will try to 'lay low', until i freakin move back to nyc.
like im a fucking convict or something. dont these bastards have other, more important laws to uphold?
haha i keep having dreams the police come to my house. ohhhhh god forgive me..
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| legal matter |
[11 May 2003|12:03am] |
ok, i need a lawyer, and fast!
if anyone has any knowledge about the best way to find one, or knows anyone..PLEASE CONTACT ME AASAP!!
doubleatriplexx@aol.com
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| pussy eat banana |
[27 Apr 2003|11:17pm] |
went to see margaret cho last night. i love her to pieces, so gut wretchingly honest, political, and all the while being funny as hell. i love seeing comedians live- it brings a new meaning to bladder control. drinking and laughing till you almost puke, isnt as bad as one would think.
in other recent events, a got a new, AND well deserved job. its a gorgeous spa on the upper east side run by one of nyc's best plasic surgeon.
free botox! well, not just yet. but its gonna be swell.
i need a new haircut.
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| movin on up |
[03 Apr 2003|11:17pm] |
nobody beats the wiz is going out of business and i scored a 5 disc dvd/cd for !!!!!!!$85!!!!!!!!
my *first* dvds rented were red dragon and secretary. i read the thomas harris book years ago and remembered it being muuucch more graphic than the movie, but it was alright, ill watch anything with ed norton.
secretary was wonderful. the cast was so good, and i havent watched a movie i related to so much in a while.
less than 7 days until steve's super secret birthday trip. i can hear 'copacabanna' playing already..
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| feels good |
[20 Mar 2003|06:16pm] |
sigh of relief;
i feel 5 lbs thinner with my hair straightened.
kitchen 22; 22nd st b'tween park&broadway
-pre fixe (app,entree,dessert) fo'$25
-yum!
+
cynthia rowley bed collection @ target
PPID M.A.C card for a 40% discount
new tires for betty (the tempo)
brides of destruction mp3s
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[19 Mar 2003|02:08am] |
that
hot
sweaty
lovely
monday night was spent with demos @korova milk bar. hands down best jukebox. bob marley martinis !!! are d a n g e r o u s.
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