il petite ma mortale

doubleatriplex @ 2007-07-25T21:10:00

2007-07-26T02:40:45Z

im ashamed
im ashamed and so disapointed in myself because i
wasnt able to let go when i should have

de·ni·al (d-nl)
n.
1. A refusal to comply with or satisfy a request.

2.a. A refusal to grant the truth of a statement or allegation; a contradiction.
b. Law The opposing by a defendant of an allegation of the plaintiff.

3.a. A refusal to accept or believe something, such as a doctrine or belief.
b. Psychology An unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings.

4. The act of disowning or disavowing; repudiation.
5. Abstinence

cobwebs

2007-07-19T03:58:20Z

im embarrassed to admit:
a) i cant spell embarrassedddposjj and
b) how i rediscovered my livejournal

since im sipping what i hope is a decaf cafe creme, i'll stick with a +/-

subject; life, the general appearance
+seeing my destiny has quite a few possible different paths
+puppy fufills what most people cannot
+cafe creme
+my tan
+summer
+the entertaining crazies on the bus
-tardiness
-"private profiles"
-profiles in general
-the rain and thick air today
-fruit flies
-mixed feelings for a certain ex
-mixed feelings for current desirables

that hansel

2004-06-21T03:17:19Z

no computer = no posts
but i do have tivo and a fabulous cable situation.

i bought 5 dvds for $15 from this korean women today: the day after tomorrow, the passion, mean girls, soul plane (hell YEA), and troy. who needs $25 movie nights when you got bootlegs. im on it.

im thinking about turning my apartment into a big walk in closet. would that be wrong? i rather see chanel & ysl shoe boxes than remotes and windex. speaking of the apartment, everything is done and good except getting some new wall decor. i love this neighborhood to peices, im never leaving mulberry st. if any of you are close by, get in touch!

money has become a joke. i jsut balanced my chckbook, and ive gone through $1600 in less than 2 weeks on CRAP. well, weekly pedicures, new bags, crate & barrel, etc.. but still, i need a financial advisor. or, ill learn how to save after selling my body to pay rent.

the romance is having difficulties. hes in east williamsburg (capitol G h e t t o ), and im in nyc, less than 5 minuites away, yet we havent had time for eachother at all. its straining. id like to move foward or get rid of this relationship. its time,

craving inoteca for lunch, i stumbled upon this creepy "museum" on clinton st. totally carnival style freak show relics and oddities, but with a 5$ admission charge, i didnt get past the gift shop, oh, istarted smoking again. only at night. after looking at my planner, it was A YEAR to the motherfucking day that i quit last year. hella weird. xo

crazy right now

2004-04-27T02:14:27Z

while mazing my way through bergdorfs to get to john barret salon ( highly recomend )i:

-picked out my spring bag. its a ysl. and its PINK.
-saw beyonce with only one bodyguard and only 8 or 9 bags.

thats all.
oh, moving saturday. cant wait. painting, sofas, scotch..
house warming is soon.

xo

this is what happens when you havent had sex since december

2004-03-31T05:21:56Z

+
moving!
stainless steel appliances
james spader
two more tattoo apts, and the left sleeve is d o n e
teany
hot tub parties
ysl
lobster bisque
'touching evil' on the usa network

-
atkins, and everyone on it
thyroid malfunction
new jersey
bar soap
uggs

steves birthday is in 12 days, hes gettin FRONT ROW prince tickets, and a new wallet. (alex <3, i need help with this one, it has to be non-leather and hes already gone through 2 LV's..)

$$$

ill win that motley crue mirror IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME

2004-02-29T04:01:42Z

+
my new BIG studio on mulberry & prince MAY 1st
promotions @ work
buying new furniture
barneys warehouse sale
chemical peels
finally being able to blame not losing weight on my
thyroid, ha!
prince, forever & always

-
brochitis and tonsilitis
stuffy noses & not being able to take antihistimines
buying new furniture costs money
rent before shoes
the passion controversy, enough already, if you dont want to support the movie, dont go see it and shut up.
me not turning the dial when "toxic" comes on

this is the new black

2004-02-01T03:23:40Z

him: im gonna be DJing at [insert bar here]
me: you have no records! do you need to borrow mine?
him: no im bringing my favorite cds.

dont call me old school, im only 22, but what happened to the vinyl? hot black sexy vinyl.

dont call yourself a motherfucking DJ when your using your fucking i-pod or cds?! [im not talking about the talented computer hi-tech music programming people] but theres lugging around records, mastering confusing equipment, having good judgement for layering and fading beats and songs over one another, etc. just cause we program our 5-disc cd players on 'random', doesnt earn us DJ status.

out with the new, in with the old

2004-01-27T04:44:39Z

is an approproate title:
my wallet was stolen last week.
my beige and brown new dior wallet with $400 in it.
anyway, im back to my tattered, missing snap louis.
im pissy.

not angelina style i swear:
oh! the plastic surgeon i work with had a seminar on a new product he's offering as an injectable that was just FDA approved called 'restylane'. its mostly a soft wrinkle filler for the oldies, but i had it done in my lips. they look *so* good. im getting botox for the hell of it next week. its all about prevention. ha! im only 22! i love this stuff. watch for me on a mtv true life special.

ikea:
steve finally moved. so what if its in ghetto east williamsburg in an illegal warehouse with a bathroom thats SHARED by the WHOLE FLOOR. he has the only bedroom in a loft with one of his bandmates and their rehearsal space. im furnishing it; if i have to sleep at this wretched place, i want good sheets, and nice curtains. my apartment however will be all white. with accents of metals and birch and cherry red.

commentary:
if i could have any dress, it'd be sarah jessica's gorgeous ink poofy CUSTOM chanel. so stunning. nicole kidman really stood out on how fucking repulsive she looked. i was also dissapointed with sofia; and scarlet johanasens hair.

best purchase of the year so far:
(i should be sleeping in these)

stolen

2004-01-15T04:58:25Z

1) Using bandnames spell out your first name...
Judas Priest
Ozzy
Ratt
Dokken
Aerosmith
Nelson
AC/DC
2) What's your favourite song right now?
anything on the new darkness cd
3) Have u ever had a song written about you?
yes.
4) What song makes you cry?
cry! no! but pornography/thecure is damn emotional
5) What song makes you happy?
"temptation"- heaven 17
6) What do u like to listen to before bed?
law & order.
7) Name a song by coal chamber?
no
8) Who were your idols when you were younger?
jon bon jovi, brett micheals, cyndi lauper
9) First album u ever bought....?
cd- ace of base & u2 lp- prince
10) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why...
longest time by billy joel reminds me of my ex skyler. we did long distance 2 yrs out of a 4 yr relationship. he never knew this. because its lame. but that song makes my stomach drop still.

ultra premium

2004-01-04T08:49:38Z

who cares about new years?
although
i am happy this year is FUCKING OVER

my resolution was to START smoking again/ the only thing holding me back is A]fear of the first drag dizziness and B] ill never quit again and have no esophogas by the time im 40.

i bought "penta" water. $50 for 12 bottles. it has its own patent and everything. im excited/broke.

ALL NEW EPISODES of curb your enthusiasm in like 12 hours!

doubleatriplex @ 2003-10-19T22:15:00

2003-10-20T02:24:07Z

tuesday is the season finale of nip/tuck. i cant wait. its good im looking foward to something, even if its a tv show. but its SOME show. last week, there was this evil columbian guy making beautiful girls carry over double implants of heroin in their breast implants in promise of 'work permits' for america. crazy shit.

you know that overwhelming sadness when you have to leave somthing so fucking wonderful? like the end of a vaction, or the next day after 3rd row seats of a nkotb concert in 3rd grade..? my mom took me to go see lost in translation and thats how i felt leaving the theatre. it was such a beautiful movie. i <3 the coppolas.

i got a halloween costume. its f a r from fabulous and very old school. im have not one lead on the halloween party yet/ this better not turn out like what everyone does on new years. fuck it ill steal a kid and go trick or treating by myself.

bal-nee-o-therr-uh-pee

2003-10-14T00:11:35Z

i really dont want to make this my fucking mental health journal.. but its been a badd weekend.

friday was hair color@arrojo studio. therapy@5. then, until sunday night i was on the sofa. literally. slept there and everything. went through 3 dvds(willard, hollywood homicide, raising victor vargas) AND the brutal yankees game on saturday, all up until the end of carnivale last night. the night ended with a crying fit on the phone with my beloved. one thing im really trying to control is not turning jealousy into anger into pity into crying fits. its not working though.

well, im taking it upon myself to 'up' my medication. whooha! and still speaking of doctors etc..anyone else whos going through anything similiar or has/had..after literally going to 5 or 6 doctors to find a basic internist who can give me more insight, i found a eastern/western medicine doctor who CARES and wants toget to the bottom of why im a big loser lately. some tests hes doing include a how much mercury is in my blood test, a seratonin (sp?) level test, and an amino acid test. all which in turn might be contributing to the ocd, anxiety and depression. results comming soon.

i got a new soy delicious flavor..DULCE LE LECHE vanilla toffee flavor with vegan caramel swirls..

my milkshake tastes much better than yours

2003-10-10T02:47:20Z

ok synopsis of the last 5 months:

june: saved up enormous lump of money, getting ready to move out again with steve, but i end up in the hospital with all sorts of shit. that was bad. but i did quit smoking, that was good.

july: literally panic stricken, havent left the house since june with all these lovely really bad things wrong with me. started therapy, finally not afraid to go to the bank and not have to bring my mom with me to get my hair colored. i= pathetic. i did buy a ps2.

august: back to work, survived a dinner out without leaving, i think i even went to a show or two. but no more drinking, cause i was and still on tons of meds.

sept: started massive dental work, still in therapy, working full time on the upper east. from all the fucking doctors, im once again living paycheck to paycheck. oh, and my law issues are dealt with. $2500 and 15 days of community service later..

oct 9th: almost beat vice city. im 67% done. almost done with weekly dental visits. picked up the new peaches and outkast.

oct 9th 10:40pm: ive been doing organic vegan raw food for the last week to lose weight and for health reasons. its expensive though, im starting to detox, and im not stopping until I FIT BACK INTO MY BALENCIAGA PINSTRIPE PANTS SIZE MOTHERFUCKIGN TWO2.

iam a judas preist song

2003-05-23T23:07:05Z

i skipped out on my court appearance tuesday. actually, my alarm didnt go off. so, now instead of posting bail for myselfand appearing in court, i will try to 'lay low', until i freakin move back to nyc.

like im a fucking convict or something. dont these bastards have other, more important laws to uphold?

haha i keep having dreams the police come to my house. ohhhhh god forgive me..

legal matter

2003-05-11T04:04:36Z

ok, i need a lawyer, and fast!

if anyone has any knowledge about the best way to find one, or knows anyone..PLEASE CONTACT ME AASAP!!

doubleatriplexx@aol.com

pussy eat banana

2003-04-28T03:22:24Z

went to see margaret cho last night. i love her to pieces, so gut wretchingly honest, political, and all the while being funny as hell. i love seeing comedians live- it brings a new meaning to bladder control. drinking and laughing till you almost puke, isnt as bad as one would think.

in other recent events, a got a new, AND well deserved job. its a gorgeous spa on the upper east side run by one of nyc's best plasic surgeon.
free botox! well, not just yet. but its gonna be swell.

i need a new haircut.

beach mofo

2003-04-17T04:03:11Z

i took steve on a surprise trip for his birthday to south beach miami. we stayed at the townhouse, which turned out to be a jonathon morr hotel (APT, bond st, theo)so it was niiice. i was hoping for some good finds, or at least shoes, but all everyone is into is roberto cavalli (YUCKO) and really bad techno. but we did a day at a super nice spa, ate, and ate, and ate some more. and most importantly, i got a tan.

(sorrry these are SO fucking big)
evidence:

i really want to go to the jt leroy reading tomorrow. winonas hosting!

movin on up

2003-04-04T04:24:24Z

nobody beats the wiz is going out of business and i scored a 5 disc dvd/cd for !!!!!!!$85!!!!!!!!

my *first* dvds rented were red dragon and secretary. i read the thomas harris book years ago and remembered it being muuucch more graphic than the movie, but it was alright, ill watch anything with ed norton.

secretary was wonderful. the cast was so good, and i havent watched a movie i related to so much in a while.

less than 7 days until steve's super secret birthday trip. i can hear 'copacabanna' playing already..

feels good

2003-03-20T23:22:06Z

sigh of relief;
i feel 5 lbs thinner with my hair straightened.

kitchen 22; 22nd st b'tween park&broadway
-pre fixe (app,entree,dessert) fo'$25
-yum!

+
cynthia rowley bed collection @ target
PPID M.A.C card for a 40% discount
new tires for betty (the tempo)
brides of destruction mp3s

doubleatriplex @ 2003-03-19T02:08:00

2003-03-19T07:09:54Z

that
hot
sweaty
lovely
monday night was spent with demos @korova milk bar. hands down best jukebox. bob marley martinis !!! are d a n g e r o u s.

dam you got nice calves

2003-03-17T05:12:22Z

thursday evening, supposed to eat at this fabulous place "craft", reservations werent made in advance so ended up at "l'express" eating bad french food. but with a new (super cute) friend.

friday, ate the biggest popcorn ever& saw the hunted. i <3 benicio. (sp?WHOCAREs)

saturday, sample sale shopping, skirt@ joesphs, change purse@ louis vuitton, white driving gloves@amy chan, dinner@caravan of dreams. where there was sand in my salad.

and sunday, collingswood flea market with steve. purchased a few good records, misc crap. we were trying so hard to blend in with the white trash, we ate the giant barrel pickles. haha yeah, fun day..

too cold for love

2003-03-11T07:46:51Z

fashion before function: i lose once again.

after buying 2 tickets to see vince neil (3rd diary appearance), and after 2 people backing out to come with me, i decide to go by myself. i can have a good time anywhere. but- after parking 03957 blocks away, and standing outside in the cold for over 30 minutes, i called it quits. i shouldve worn a heavy coat. i love purposely making bad decisions; like wearing 4 inch heels to go dancing, or getting a blowout while its raining. yeah-

but i did end up at don hills and get to see steve<3 play. and hes fabulous, as usual.

and most importantly, these are comming this weekend. but i think- in flesh toned pink.

too fast for love

2003-03-10T05:46:42Z

i have *2* tickets to see vince neil tomorrow at bb kings. the person comming with me, cant. so now i have an extra ticket.

if you want to come with,or just want a ticket super cheap, call me at work BEFORE 3pm: 212-337-0032.

underneath

2003-02-27T05:45:36Z

im sick, so is steve. he gave it to me i swear. haha i almost sound as if i have herpes. its just a headcold, but ive been functioning on so much codeine, you wouldnt know.

ive been in stealth mode at work; sneakily trying to get all my clients emails and numbers, so they'll hopefully come visit me at a new spa. i want everyone to quit at the same time, how lovely that would be!

and i most definitly wish polka dots werent on this seasons top 5. they've been a longtime favorite, and i hate to see them in h&m or the gap.

i think its fabulous, but still dont understand..

"its SCHILLINGER!"

2003-02-24T03:59:42Z

i'm deeply upset about tonights last episode of oz. what am i gonna do for sunday night tv now?!? six feet under? i dont think so.